“Whatever it is, if it doesn’t make you happy, walk away, give it away to someone else who wants it. Let it be their next dream; let it flee from you. You’re emptying out your limitations when you do that. Then you have room to grow, to allow magnificent things to fill the vacuum of those seemingly empty places. When you hold onto yesterday, when you hold onto dead and dying adventures, you have no room in your box for greatness.”
“Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.”
– Shannon L. Adler
You know those throwaway statements that hit you a little close to home?
You’ll know because they’re a little too nonchalant in delivery, a little too blasé to be improvised, a little too off-the-cuff.
Comments that make you go: “You’ve sat on that one* for awhile.”
One* being judgement, impression.
What it is, is mean.
These little statements filled with low-key contempt and the intention to hurt. But you’re smart enough to not take the bait.
Because you discern their “witty” comment has come from a place of pain or insecurity.
Here’s what to remember for them and yourself:
1. “You know that little voice that’s trying to tell you everybody’s life is better than yours? It’s lying to you.” – Heather Plett.
Envy. Ugh. It’s hard to be happy for others when you’re unhappy with yourself.
People who talk down on you are hoping to do just that: put you back in your place where they think you belong. Or the place that you were… three years ago. It creates this awkward tension when people aren’t comfortable seeing you happy, thriving. Because what would this mean for them?
But you don’t get mad cause you’re secure. You know your true place. You know who are and to whom you belong. You are a child of the Most High. You have your own destiny, your own calling. You are unbreakable.
As Carl Lentz says, “When our souls are healthy, we change the environment; the environment doesn’t change us.”
So why can’t we all just do our thang? And where is this haterade coming from?
The thing about social media is that it creates this distortion field where it’s all kind of a mirage. You get to peek but never really perceive. You see super fun holidays on Snapchat but you never see how hard they had to work to earn time off. Or how many heartbreaks they had to suffer before they got their child whose pictures spam Facebook. You have no idea of their struggle. But you’re mad cause this 612 pixel x 612 pixel frame shows you they’re not sitting in a corner, crying somewhere.
I’ve been on both sides of the coin. When you’re being unfairly attacked, remember it’s not actually about you. And if you’re the one doing the hating because deep down, you’re hollow or mad at yourself and feeling insecure, remember: You Are Not Forgotten.
Whatever’s unresolved in your heart will find its season. Whatever you think could never be yours could be on the way. Be patient, stay humble & faithful with the little things. Keep working hard to achieve your goals.
2. Words are weapons. You will never regret being kind, even if they turn out to be jerks.
3. Maybe they’re just having a shitty day.
4. Maybe this is a shitty friend. Time to reassess this one. As my favourite poet, Warsan Shire says, “Perhaps, the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving.”
5. Retaliation is for amateurs. When someone does or says something with the intent to wound, don’t get mad. Feel sad for them. You don’t need to win, you can sit this one out.
I’ve learned especially in the past several years, that it’s about returning spite for more love, more positivity and grace.
A Taste of Your Own Medicine
Don’t give them a taste of their own medicine. They already know what it tastes like. Give them a taste of your own medicine.
If they lied, let your medicine be honesty.
If they played with your emotions, let your medicine be maturity.
If they broke you, let your medicine heal.
If they made you cry, let your medicine make them smile.
These remedies of yours may take years to work, but they work. And they last.
So be patient. Stay true to yourself.
And remember this: it is better for people to value you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. Who you are lasts a lifetime. Who you pretend to be changes like the change of seasons.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself, even if it means removing yourself from lives that you want to be in.
You are, no doubt, worthy of being valued for who you are.
So be who you are.
– Najwa Zebian